Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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