Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
