True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
