My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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