Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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