Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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