it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
