You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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