i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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