Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do vagina's smell?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
