I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
