I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
