If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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