evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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