I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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