Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
