well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
