Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize