Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
