Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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