I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
