at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
