I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
