1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
