Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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