How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are we still banned from the library?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
