Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
