I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
