I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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