How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
