you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
