She went from zero to smokin in five shots
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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