Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
