I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
