woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
