I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
