omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
