whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
