we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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