I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
