I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
