You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
