Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
