If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
