The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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