so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I will be naked everywhere
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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