are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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