and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
