I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
