I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize