i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
