how can u be prego again
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
