Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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