he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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