her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
