wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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