i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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