It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
