Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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