Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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