U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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