hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
