i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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