i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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