Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
