You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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