If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
