Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
