just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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