i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
